Samuel's Insane Adventure
by Walker Talker
Summary: Samuel just wanted to make some toast for Christ's sake. But now he is stuck in a ponies body, in a land called Equestria. He keeps telling the talking ponies that he used to be a human, and that he doesn't belong here. Sadly, no one believes him, so he is branded as crazy and thrown into a asylum. Will Sammie be able to survive or will he be eaten alive by his fellow patients.
1. Prologue

A Psychiatric Nurse by the name of Radiant Smile gave me a notebook and told me to write down "_my story"_. At first I told her I didn't need a diary because I wasn't a little bitch, but the asylum is so boring that writing could be a pretty effective hobby to pass the time.

I guess i'll go ahead and get the basics out of the way. My name is Samuel Rup. I grew up in Watertown (Not the best name for a town, I know), South Dakota. I was eighteen and freshly graduated from high school. My family was pretty average, nothing special to really talk about. I also used to have a cat named Mittens who was a real asshole.

That basically sums up my life before coming to Equestria. My life was simple, and that was just the way I liked it. I didn't have to worry about pony nurse's and psychological testing. I also miss my body. I used to be Human but now i'm stuck in a ponies body. The fact that I can say that like its normal shows just how much this land of gumdrops and sunshine has fucked with my head. But hey, Having a fucked up head is actually the reason i'm in this mess (at least according to these fanatic ponies).

This might sound confusing to you so i'll go ahead and tell you the story of how I got locked away in this nuthouse. It all started three years ago while I was making toast.

_3 years ago, motherfucker!_

"How the hell do you work this thing!" I shouted as I attempted to figure out the advanced mechanism known as a toaster.

"Language, Samuel!" My Mother shouted as she prepared breakfast.

"Seriously, Where did you get this hunk of junk?" I asked as I gave the toaster a light slap on its side.

"From a garage sale, down in Brookings." My Mom said with a huff. "And i'll have you know, that is a fairly new brand of toaster."

I opened my mouth to tell her that it was I new brand of crap, but before I could a low whisper interrupted my train of thought.

"_Honey, are you okay?" _

"What was that?" I asked as I stared around the kitchen fearfully.

"What was what?" My mother asked as she stared at me with a look of confusion.

"That whisper." I said as I opened the fridge expecting to find a midget crouched in there whispering. There was no midget. "Did you not hear it?"

"I can't say I did." My Mother said with a deadpan look on her face. "Is this another one of your stupid pranks?"

"I told you, I would stop pulling pranks after the whole microwave incident." I said with a roll of my eyes. "Which was totally not my fault by the way. How was I supposed to know that-."

"_Honey, how do you like your salad?"_

"There's that voice again!" I exclaim as I whip my head around towards the counter. "Its coming from over there!"

"Sammie, this isn't very funny." My Mother says as she scowled. "Cut it out."

"I'm not kidding." I say as I search the drawers under the counter. But there was nothing but canned food.

"Are we on some prank show or something?" I groan in annoyance as I close the drawers. "I don't think we are famous enough to get Punk'd."

"_You don't look so good."_

"I-its coming from the toaster!" I shout in amazement as I point at the fabled electric chair for bread.

"S-stop it Sammie." My Mom stutterers as she stares at me with a look of fear in her eyes. The bacon that she was cooking had started to burn, but she either didn't notice or just didn't care…..maybe both.

"Is there a microphone inside of it?" I wondered as I stuck my face above the toaster and looked down into the inner mechanisms.

"S-Samuel, quit with t-these games this instance!" My Mother shouted as she stepped toward me, getting ready to grab my hand. "I'm going to call your f-father if you-"

There was a flash of blinding blue light and everything went quiet. That was the last time I saw my mother, and the last time I ever sat foot on earth.

Moral of the story, never trust a toaster.

But sadly, that's not where the story ends. It's where it begins.


	2. Chapter 1

I slowly opened my eyes. I blinked rapidly to try and get the spots out of my eyes. I felt sick to my stomach, and my head felt like it was about to explode.

"_Did the toaster just blow up in my face?_" I thought, as I finally managed to blink the spots out of my eyes.

The first thing I saw was a half eaten salad. It was laying on a table covered by a white table linen. The sight of the food almost caused me to vomit as I raised my hand to cover my mouth.

My hand was a hoof.

"_Brain has shut down, attempting to reboot._" I thought as I stared wide eyed at my new appendage. "_Brain reboot complete, AHHHHHHHHHHH!_"

"Honey, How do you like your salad?"

I whipped my head up to look for the person who spoke. There was a pony sitting across from me on the other side of the table. The pony was bright yellow, and the first thing that popped into my head was that it looked like a giant lemon. It also had a pink bow in its mane, making it look like a gift about to be given to a little kid.

"Honey, are you okay?" The yellow pony asked with a worried look in her eyes. "You don't look so good."

I stared in complete shock at the talking yellow pony, as I attempt to understand what the fuck was going on.

"_That pony is speaking to me!_" I thought in a panic. "_Holy shit that motherfucking, pink bow wearing, lemon looking pony is speaking to me!_"

"Honey, do I need to fetch the waiter?" The pony asked, as it leaned across the table to get a better look at me. "Was there something wrong with the salad?"

I opened my mouth to tell the pony to get the hell away from me, but instead I puked right into the pony's face.

The yellow pony, now covered in vomit, shrieks in horror as she, (I'm assuming it's a she, do to the feminine sounding voice,) flails backwards trying to escape the flood of projectile puke. The sudden momentum causes her chair to tip backwards. She falls to the ground with a loud thump. She hits her head on the ground and knocked herself out cold.

I groan as I finish evacuating the contents of my stomach. I hear the gasps of surprise all around me. I look around and find several other colorful ponies sitting at different tables. The ponies are looking at me in complete shock.

"_I'm outnumbered._" I think as I stare at the ponies. "_Time to get the hell out of Dodge._"

I attempt to stand up, but end up falling down and knocking the plate of salad onto the ground. I stare down at my feet in bewilderment, only to see that my feet have also transformed into hooves.

"_This can't be happening._" I think as I pick up the plate that I knocked off the table and hold it up to my face. "_How can I even hold stuff with these hooves? This doesn't make any sense._"

I stare at my reflection in the plate.

"I'm a fucking pony." I whisper to myself in a daze. I was a dark green pony with light brown hair and hazel eyes. "Even my voice is different."

I always had a high pitched voice growing up, which caused me to get teased in elementary school. The kids said I sounded like a girl, and that they didn't want to play with girls because they had cooties. When I hit puberty my voice got a little lower but it was still pretty "_girly sounding_" as my father would say. But now my voice sounded more gruff, and even a little raspy.

"W-what happened here?"

I turn my head to see a pony dressed in a tuxedo staring at the, vomit covered, yellow pony in a state of alarm.

"H-how did this happen?" The tuxedo pony asks as he attempts to wake up the unconscious yellow pony.

"I am not going to jail for assaulting a pony by puking on them." I thought as I picked myself off the ground. I looked around the restaurant for a exit. The exit was on the other side of the room…...fuck my life.

I attempt to run/gallop towards the exit but end up losing my balance and running into a table, and knocking it over. The plates on the table come crashing down to the ground and shattering. The pony occupants of said table scream in fear.

"S-sorry, add that to my tab!" I shout as I stand up and run out the exit.

It was morning when I was making breakfast with my mother, but now it seems to be the middle of the night.

I search my surroundings as I continue to try and put some distance between me and that restaurant of hell. The whole place was covered by buildings and everything looked gloomy. I seem to be in some type of large city like New York.

"I just wanted to make some toast!" I shout to the heavens in anger. "Fuck this shit! Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!"

I run/gallop down the street, but stop in my tracks when I hear a siren. I look in the direction of the sound and see blue and red flashing lights.

"Shit, it's the popo!" I thought as I quickly changed my direction and turned into an alley. I hid behind a dumpster and poked my head out, waiting for the police car to pass. But it wasn't a police car, instead it was a pony wearing a police officer uniform with a siren strapped to his head. He was also wearing earplugs, most likely to muffle the sound of the siren.

"What. The. Fuck." I said to myself as I stared dumbfounded at the police pony. "I must be on some type of acid trip or something. This can't be happening."

The police pony continued to gallop down the street in the direction of the restaurant. The restaurant ponies probably called the police. I decided to stick to the alleys to avoid being caught by the cops.

I traveled from alley to alley trying to put as much distance as possible from that fucking restaurant. I saw two other police ponies and even a ambulance pony heading towards the restaurant.

"This can't get any worse." I say dejectedly towards the ground. Just as the words leave my mouth there is a big _crack _of thunder and it starts to rain. "Suck my dick, fate. Suck my dick."

It's a really dumb idea to test fate, because you always lose in the end. I don't believe in ghost, but I also don't try to piss them off just in case they do exist. It's always best to be cautious, but not to cautious or else you'll be branded as paranoid. I got called paranoid a lot, growing up.

I Continued walking for a few more minutes but after awhile I became soaked and freezing.

"A citizen needs saving in a alley. where is batman when you need him?"

Left with no other option, I decide to hideout in a dumpster. It takes a lot of attempts to climb into the dumpster. (and a lot of me falling on my ass.) Eventually I manage to climb into it, and I close the dumpster lid. After I closed the lid it became pitch black. It smelt of piss and old milk.

After awhile of waiting in that dumpster I became used to the smell and I began to feel tired. I decided to sleep.

"_Hopefully, when I wake up everything will be back to normal._" I thought to myself as I closed my eyes. "_I hope Moms okay._"

I fell asleep.


End file.
